finding peace
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Fun fact: I’m dead inside——
I wake up to nothing, nary an aspiration;
I feel as if I’m long past my expiration.
Fun fact: best before does not mean expired;
it’s really more of a suggestion
to maximize your satisfaction.
Fun fact: I guess I’m just not satisfied.
I’ll be doing NaPoWriMo again. This is turning out to be when I get most my creativity out and I very much need it. I’ve been in a rut lately and this is just the push I need. Let’s go 2023!
There are absolutes between true and false
that you can’t see between lies and truths.
They are simpler whereas lies are twisted
and truths might be parts of another—faceted.
You can make true and false into many things,
and fabricate just as many that makes lying
just patchworks of facts and otherwise,
and truths as puzzles—visible and not—to the eyes.
It’s simpler to speak in ones and zeroes—absolutes—
than in pages and paragraphs, in alphabets
and tongues. Logic is just simpler than reason;
following formulas is easier than comprehension.
For one cannot equal zero, but words
change as throats dry and pages yellow.
by
The sky seems grey even with clear weather
and the sun screaming its perfect day.
The clouds drifts past fast but the air
seems stale having lost its way.
Deaf-tone birds sing monotone tunes
in jagged rhythm while trees tower
leafless in endless ordered columns.
Droning about after every hour.
Motionless still, what is there left for us
if there is even any that’s left of me,
or of you, or of anyone not yet dust?
Where do lost souls go to be free?
Caught between prisons, we hone in on
empty spaces inside each other as home.
by
There’s a museum thirty minutes away from here
and as much I love the exhibit, I’ve been there
done that. I’d walk in with a sketch pad, a tablet,
or whatever thinking I’ll study art, be motivated
until I walk out the door not having drawn anything
and having gotten home still stuck daydreaming.
The bay walk is farther, an hour away, but walking
along the paved walkway taking in sea and rushing
cars on the avenue beside seems like a walk outside
reality in a canvas of grey cityscape and the seaside.
I’d pause and look around the waves crashing
and the still buildings stuck in time yet ever moving.
There’s a cafe I really like, fifteen minutes away;
it’s a reprieve from the dull routine of work days
and a haven for birds of the same feather seeking
rest amidst the downpour of keyboards clacking
and screens glaring before calls and talks like thunder
rumbling. It’s a respite before the storm hits harder.
And there’s home, if it can still be called as such
having been invaded and become just as much
work than home. There’s nowhere to come back;
what was home, all I see is overwhelming lack
of what to call home. I’m lost in nowhere and no
one is there. For where else to go, I just don’t know.
by
Headstrong but no force;
crumbling as I hit walls.
Determined but weak willed;
downhearted and unfulfilled.
I’ve made my choice;
no music, only noise.
There’s no turning back;
and an abundance of lack.
We throw our feelings around like whispers
along a string and two cups; in garbled sound,
we sing of sweet nothings and swerve around
what loud troubles and traumas we hold dear.
We’ll play pretend as rattling cups become calls
to whomever we find willing to lend an ear;
but we’ll lie and make our hell seem much better
than the journey that’s now like an endless fall.
With hope—or rather the lack thereof—we pull the string
and wait for a pull from the other end. With hope,
we put a dismal cup to our crying ear to cope
for the emptiness we find absurdly suffocating.
And even with the string taut, there’s deafening
silence between two lost souls simply waiting.
by
You have the stars shining in your eyes—
so bright and vast that I’m lost in their depths
until I get shot back to life.
That wishes on shooting stars are for shooting stars
and not streaks of light that the stars in your eyes leave
as you hurry past me.
by
I don’t know where I am with her.author’s notes
The world spins and turns
and I’m there somewhere
but nowhere too
I’m lost and pinging for her
No Wi-Fi, no Bluetooth,
we’re not paired,
no OTP too.
But I want to be with her
by her side:
be each other’s
respite.
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